In the blink of an eye, or I rather say, in the blink of a Zoom session, May is now here. Definitely a rare and different month of May.

Since I've been a mom, May has always seemed like a difficult month. Four weeks to which I had to arrive well prepared and with lots of energy so I could participate in all of my children’s school events.

A month with logistics way more difficult than quantum physics as I try to coordinate rehearsals for ballet recitals, end of year parties, final project presentations, school and sports awards banquets, excursions, and even Mother's Day celebrations because of course we also have to celebrate us moms and why not, right in the middle of this complicated month.

An endless hustling from one place to another.

Today I realized that all those events were nothing more than rituals with the sole and important purpose of helping our kids to close cycles. Rituals filled with applause, photos, speeches, mentions, diplomas, flying graduation caps, and heartfelt hugs for having reached the end of the journey successfully. A shared success simply for having crossed the finish line no matter in what place or with what grade.

In this 2020 school year, the curtain closes silently, with a lack of applause and rituals. Will our children be able to close cycles? How do we support them?

Last week I had the opportunity to chat with Brian Coleman, school counselor at Jones College Prep in Chicago, named “School Counselor of the Year” in 2019.

Thanks to Responsibility.org, a group of influencers and I, talked with him about this difficult end of the school year for so many students and he shared with us very interesting tips, in addition he told us all about his peculiar and very ingenious unicorn theory.

Today I share the conversation we had with him; I hope it helps everyone as much as it helped me:

The Unicorn Theory

When Brian was interviewed for the school counselor position at Jones College Prep in Chicago, the first question he was asked was, "Why should we hire you?" to which he replied, "Because I am a unicorn."

For Brian, a unicorn is not a rare and mystical creature, a unicorn lives and breathes on its unique and extraordinary abilities. He believes that we all have that unicorn characteristic and that the important thing is to find what makes us unique and use it to our advantage to find success and live the life we want.

"I am nobody but myself" - Brian Coleman.

From that day on he always defines himself as a unicorn and tries to help all his students find that unicorn within themselves.

Based on this theory, he gave us very valuable recommendations to help our children cope with this loss of rituals and the importance of their well-being, especially during these unique COVID times.

Loss of rituals:

Although in some ways we try to normalize the confinement, it's very important to recognize with our children that this situation is not normal and we need to create a space where they feel free to express negative emotions.
Let's ask our children questions like: how are you experiencing this situation? What does this mean for you? Many times we make assumptions about what they're feeling, however, these open questions create a space for communication and allow them to have unique, different, and vulnerable answers.
It's very healthy for children to learn that it's okay to feel difficult emotions.
As parents, it's important to be emotionally present and available for the feelings of loss and mourning in our children. Let us assure them that there are ways to find certainty during these uncertain times and that often the only thing we can do is the next right thing. The song from the Frozen 2 movie, “The Next Right Thing”, is the perfect example of how children often process a loss since it talks about how you can get out of a dark moment by simply doing the next right thing until little by little you get out of the shadows.
Let's not forget to celebrate the wins!

Wellness:

It's important to recognize that if it's difficult to care for and support ourselves, it's even more difficult to care for and support our children.
As parents we should try to be the best example for them, as well as leaders with a clear intention. If our children see that we take care of ourselves, they will too.
Let us not lose sight of the fact that taking care of our children's well-being involves paying attention to their physical, emotional, or psychological and spiritual well-being while trying to maintain a daily structure to reinforce them.
It's important not to lose ourselves as parents in trying to always be available to our kids and be available to ourselves and our needs.
As for alcohol consumption, now is a perfect opportunity for our children to learn that adults can enjoy a delicious cocktail because they like to, and not because they need to.

During these weeks of confinement, I have realized that each member of my family takes care and protects themselves differently and finds shelter in distinct things. My husband needs to draw a line between his work hours and rest hours since now they both happen under the same roof. For one of my daughters it's very important to have a super healthy diet, for the other one it's very important to find emotional stability in her relationships inside and outside the home and for my boy, the most important thing is to express his feelings by talking to my husband or me throughout the day. I find my shelter in exercise and writing.

That's why I completely agree with Brian, we are all unicorns. Our children are unicorns. We are all unique beings who bring unique and unequaled talents to our lives and to the world. Each of us needs different emotional survival strategies, so these tips will help us identify them and accept that there’s no cookie-cutter formula that applies to everyone.

This school year may be ending silently without applauses but for sure it will end with one-on-one heartfelt conversations with our kids, looking straight into their eyes to let them know we are extremely proud. We don’t need a microphone to give our children that speech of pride, admiration, and recognition for all their effort. Let's not miss the opportunity to do so.