How to Connect with Our Children's Emotions
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"It is scientifically proven that the greatest force for the physical and mental health of a teenager is a good relationship with a caring adult."
I remembered this phrase from Dr. Lisa Damour, a specialist in adolescents and advisor for Inside Out 2, as I was leaving the theater after watching this extraordinary movie with my family. I still can't believe I had the great fortune of meeting Dr. Damour and learning so much from her at the Responsibility.org Summit in Washington, DC a few months ago.
Let me tell you that Pixar invited Dr. Lisa Damour as an advisor for the movie to portray Riley's emotions, the protagonist of the story, as realistically as possible, thanks to Lisa's extensive experience with teenagers. After talking with her at the Summit and watching the movie, I confirm once again that we need to throw away all the stereotypes we have about adolescence and how we supposedly should treat our children during these years.
Ideas like giving them their space and thinking they will solve their problems with friends are obsolete concepts. We must remember that we are their main influence and during these years, we should be closer to them than ever. But why do we doubt ourselves so much as parents? And how do we truly connect with them?
Summer is the perfect time to reconnect with our children, which is why today I am sharing these extraordinary tips that Lisa gave us to achieve this:
Mental health is not about feeling good but about experiencing emotions according to what is happening. It’s not about repressing them but learning to manage them.
Music is a fantastic tool to connect with our children and teach them to process emotions through songs. Ask your children to share with you the playlist they listen to when they are sad or excited; this will help you understand how they manage and process their emotions through music.
The best way to keep them safe is to keep them close.
Don’t think of having just one "important" conversation. Instead, have short and frequent conversations.
Try not to overreact when they tell you something risky that their friends did. This will automatically push them away. Instead of judging, ask them what they think about that behavior.
Explain to them the concept of "cold" and "hot" reasoning. It’s important they understand that reasoning how they would react in a risky situation in the comfort of their home, talking with us, is not the same as reasoning during the actual risky and emotionally charged situation. Give your children a quick and easy way out when they are in those risky situations, like blaming their parents to have an excuse to leave.
Safety first. Discuss with your children that the most important thing for us is that they are safe. It’s much more important that they don’t get hurt than not getting caught and hide their actions.
Instead of giving them a long sermon that will only push them away, ask them what is preventing them from making good decisions. This will make them reflect.
Go out into nature or engage in some physical activity with them.
These summer months are great to reconnect and have many of those short and constant conversations. Don’t miss this opportunity and remember, as Dr. Lisa says, if a teenager has at least one adult they trust in their life, they will feel much safer during this critical stage of their lives.
Many thanks to Dr. Lisa Damour for sharing these tips with us and to Responsibility.org for always being a support in having these conversations with our children for life.
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